I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
