worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
