i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
