It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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