my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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