omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
