What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
