What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
