did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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