Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
