What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
