life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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