White coat. Heels.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
