im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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