This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize