yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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