he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
