well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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