dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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