Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
