Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize