Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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