u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
