you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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