you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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