She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
