So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
