just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
