Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
