6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
