would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
