so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
