11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize