I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
