Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
