i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
