And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
