Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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