im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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