after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
