You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
