It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
