The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
