i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
