Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
