My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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