the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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