sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
