You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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