Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
