Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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