oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My room smells like vodka and shame
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
