so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
