I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize