We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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