i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
