best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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