Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
