Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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