Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
