There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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