Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
