when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
