Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
