yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
