is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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