from now on my penis is your penis
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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