Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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