Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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