She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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