so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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