Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
