respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
