what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
