this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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