I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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